How is my college essay?

Ok start but definitely needs some work. The essay was, quite frankly, boring. Admissions officers spend only a few minutes on every person's application so it is extremely important to capture their intention from the beginning. That said, do NOT begin by restating the prompt. It's very middle school. Instead, you might want to begin with the story about how you got into shape. Do not overgeneralize but rather choose a few anecdotes that you think are interesting and fit into their philosophy. Add some description, make it colorful. Your discussion of morals and ethics was pretty broad and a little vague. To make it more unique to your own life and experience, you might want to speak about a specific time or experience that exemplifies your morality. Finally, please, please get rid of the last paragraph and sentence. NEVER restate your academic accomplishment in the personal essay. The college will know all of this from your transcript anyway. It also sounds like you're bragging. Instead, like I said before, choose SPECIFIC examples that show your intellectual curiosity and love of learning. Don't forget about the "Artes" aspect of the "beauty of intellectual pursuits." Write and rewrite until you are completely satisfied; show the true you. The personal statement is one of the few areas of your application over which you hold some control. Have fun and good luck!